Always
by DeniseV
Summary: Rodney feels the need to apologize to Carson. He doesn't quite make it. Tag for the episode The Hive.


"I'm not exactly sure why you're telling me," Sheppard said as he popped another Good & Plenty in his mouth. "Thank god for the Deadalus," he added as he savored the licorice treat.

"Because I don't know how to tell him, well, that I'm sorry," Rodney whined as he watched the colonel eat one piece of the candy at a time. "What are you, five years old?"

"It needs to last. And though I may be acting like a five year old, you are the one who is really acting childish. Beckett doesn't need an apology. He was treating a symptom."

"No!" Rodney yelled. He looked sorry the minute the word came out of his mouth. McKay put his head down and shook it. He looked back up at his friend and said, "I'm sorry. I'm taking this out on you. It's not fair. But you don't understand. I said terrible things to Carson. I hate that enzyme! I remember every stupid, hateful, manic, '_maniac' _thing that I did and said while I was high on that shit. I'll be lucky if anybody ever looks at me the same way again. I mean, it was one thing to have people see me in the hallway and turn quickly the other way to avoid me. I probably didn't want or need to talk with most of them anyway."

"McKay," John started in warning.

"No, no. I know that's not a nice thing to say, but I'm a busy man, and I really don't have time for other people's neuroses; I have more than enough to contend with dealing with my own. But Carson…he's a…well, he's…"

"He's your friend," John offered helpfully.

"Yes. Yes he is. He was only trying to help me, I know that now. But I didn't know it then." Rodney looked at John mournfully, and then recognition came to him. "Oh my god. Did I tell you how glad I am that you're alive? I'm such an ass," he said as he rose and began to pace. "It's a wonder you want to spend any time with me at all outside of missions. I'm amazingly self-involved."

Sheppard stood and blocked McKay's way. "Stop and take a breath," John ordered as he placed a hand on Rodney's chest. "You did tell me you were glad I was alive, in glorious, snide-filled Rodney McKay Technicolor."

The scientist breathed heavily, gulping in needed fresh air after the pacing and the talking and the worrying. He lifted his eyes to the sky, in this case the actual sky above them through the opened roof of the jumper hangar bay, and covered his face with both hands. He said sadly, "I have no enzyme left in my system yet I am still so messed up."

Sheppard placed his hands over McKay's wrists and pulled the hands away from his friend's face. "You're not messed up. You're tired, and you're coming down from an adrenaline high." The colonel checked to see that the physicist was paying attention. "And you no doubt dove right into things right out of the infirmary. Did Carson tell you to take it easy when he released you?"

Rodney snorted. "No. He wanted to, but I gave him the McKay evil eye. He knew better."

"Then that might be something you'll want to go apologize to him for doing."

"Aaaaah," Rodney sighed as he dropped his head to his chest and his arms to his side. He turned around to try to find the exit and found himself completely turned around in the familiar space.

"Yep. Tired," John said as he grabbed McKay's elbow and ushered him in the direction of the infirmary. "How 'bout I escort you?"

"Probably a good idea." They walked quietly for a while down the corridors. Rodney turned to John and said, "You're okay, right?"

"Right as rain," Sheppard replied lightly.

"Teyla and Ronon? They had the enzyme in their systems. Are they all right?"

"Yeah, they started showing signs of withdrawal on the hive ship. They didn't have as much in their systems as you, either. They're fine."

"Good. That's good."

As they approached the infirmary, Rodney's pace slowed dramatically. John sensed the hesitation and matched the cadence of McKay's deliberately slower steps and said, "Have you thought about what you'll say to Carson?"

"Oh, I don't know, I thought maybe I might fake, um, I might…" the physicist trailed off as he leaned heavily into the Air Force man. John caught the tilt and recognized it for what it was: not fake. He picked up the pace for the remaining few steps into Carson Beckett's domain.

"A little help," he called loudly as he zeroed in on an open exam bed. A nurse met him there and John said, "Get Carson."

Sheppard eased Rodney onto the bed. His friend seemed a little more coherent than moments ago. John said, "So, you thought you'd fake fainting to gain Carson's sympathy? Nice plan," he joked. "Beckett'll be here soon," he reassured his friend.

"Think it'll work?" Rodney asked. He could barely keep his eyes open and his breathing was becoming heavy with what seemed to Sheppard like normal sleep.

"Och, Rodney, what have ya done?"

"Hey, Doc. We were just talking, and Rodney decided he wanted to come and talk with you," John said as he stared carefully at Carson, keeping eye contact until Beckett understood the meaning of the visit. "He sort of passed out just as we got here."

"Aye," he said as he turned his attention to McKay for his initial examination. "Always nice to chat with ya, Rodney."

McKay appeared asleep, and hadn't reacted at all to the conversation going on around him.

"Is he just asleep?" John asked with concern,

"Give me a second to check a few things, Colonel. I think so, though."

Carson finished his examination just minutes later and turned to John with a smile on his face. He took Sheppard by the arm and moved him to the far side of the room.

"Normally, when I would release a patient from treatment like Rodney had, cold-turkey weaning from a drug, or in this case the Wraith enzyme, I would be taking said person off duty for some time and expect that person to rest. As you are aware, circumstances were such at the time that any option for rest was completely out of the question, Rodney being Rodney."

John grinned sadly and looked over at his sleeping friend. "He told me he shut you down with the McKay evil eye."

"A frightening thing to have it levied on you, I can attest. He may well have saved it for someone who needed it. I knew I'd have no luck even tryin'." Carson looked over to his patient and then back to Sheppard. "He is sleeping. His body needed the rest then and it needs it more now. I'll keep him here tonight. I doubt that he'll wake up before morning anyway."

"He's upset with himself about some of the things he said to you while under the influence."

"I'm sure he is. He's a very sensitive man, our Rodney. I'll make sure to have a chat with him tomorrow."

"Good." John yawned and saw Carson readying to give him an order. "You don't even have to tell me once. I'm going. I'm beat."

"Good. It's good to have you back, Colonel."

"It's great to be back, Doc. Take care of our boy," John said as he headed toward his own rest for the night.

Carson Beckett walked up to the bedside of his friend and habitual patient. He placed his hand around Rodney's wrist, feeling the comforting beat of a normal pulse. He answered the now departed colonel when he said to no one but a sleeping Rodney McKay, "Always."

The End.


End file.
